My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
