Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
