my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
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He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
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I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
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