pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
