booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
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