how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Every concussion has its silver lining
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
