Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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