i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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