I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I DEMAND FORESKIN
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
