Don't make out with my wife yet
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
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