Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
