Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
