nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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