Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
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