High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
