i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
