Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I party with great urgency now.
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