it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
