I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
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I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
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You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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