Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
She's the barista slut.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
