We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
