You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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