Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
