ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
