apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
