We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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