I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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