Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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