i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
