i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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