Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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