Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Welp...herpes.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
