You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
