She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
