I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
