dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
