So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
