You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
