My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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