why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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