stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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