i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
