I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
They have beer where we have blood.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
