I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
