so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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