Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
The power of my boobs compel you
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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