His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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