Duck Duck Cougar?
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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