I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize