Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
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in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
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I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
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