My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
