You can't motorboat a personality
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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