Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
