i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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