I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
