she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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