i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
