the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
My balls are so social today.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
