That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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