Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
