The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
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