I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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